Are you feeling like a failure?
Everyone has had experiences where we felt really bad about ourselves. And despite knowing our capabilities in these moments, it feels like we are headed towards a dead end.
When failure knocks on our door we are blinded by disappointment and in that agony, we tend to forget our core beliefs, and our self-confidence also goes for a toss. It’s completely normal to get discouraged by failure, and everyone has been through it.
Sometimes we tend to get frustrated by our failures and in the bargain, we start losing consciousness of what we are capable of doing and start to believe negative things about ourselves that are derived from that failure. You start getting thoughts like “I’m dumb”, “I’m going nowhere”, “I’m going to fail” etc. and you use your failures as evidence of the same.
What is a 'dumb person'
This is a very generic reaction that most people resort to subconsciously, and we don’t realize how impossible it is to prove these statements. People and their abilities can’t be generalized, and just like saying “I’m a good person” can’t be fully true, you being a dumb, stupid, or useless person also can’t be true.
Giving ourselves the benefit of the doubt can be tough, especially since most people are under the impression that feeling bad about their failures somehow motivates them to do better next time.
However much you would want that to work, demotivating only tethers your confidence, and instead of feeling further motivated to do better in the future, you will start associating that activity with the trauma you put yourself through by reiterating the idea that you’re a failure.
There is no such thing as a dumb person, and you certainly aren’t an anomaly. When we feel disappointed we usually single ourselves out and decide that we are the only person who is so stupid or dumb. If only we could peer into others minds we would see that everyone feels dumb, even the smartest person you know. Feeling dumb is just a result of rubbing salt in the wound that is failure and we have all been there and done that.
Defense mechanisms
As a student, exams are the best example I can offer so here goes;
I have recently noticed a pattern in my own mind before exams, which is to place conditions and reasons in my head of why I need to do well. I will decide that this exam is extremely important because of so and so, for example, because it’s 9th grade, or because it’s the first impression on the teacher, etc. but what I’ve noticed is that these conditions are more often than not impossible to work toward. I’ve not been setting realistic goals for myself as means and stepping stones to pass the exams but instead subconsciously set myself up for failure, so I won’t be too distraught when or if it happens. This a defense mechanism that I find myself using most times when it comes to academics and it’s only recently that I’ve realized how much it lowers my productivity.
I also have instances where I’m convinced that I’m just dumb and there’s no way out of it, but after my recent revelations about where I could be going wrong as to my attitude towards failure, I can see that generalizing about myself certainly isn’t the way to do better.
Conclusion
A dumb person isn’t even a thing, and if it were a thing, a dumb person would just be someone who hasn’t improved yet. There are many things one can do to improve if only we put our minds to it and stop giving up before even trying. I’m sure you’ve heard positive quotes on how to be productive and motivated, and I’m not going to add to that list. But if I’ve learnt anything so far it’s that solutions to problems don’t really mean much if you can’t identify what the problem is.
So to conclude, deducing that you’re dumb and stupid is easy enough, but if you take the high road and get some insight into why failure has knocked on your door, maybe you will find the courage to let failure in for a cup of coffee and bring with it some helpful feedback.
inward looking