Loneliness and solitude
In today’s world being busy, social and well connected is glorified. The idea of spending time alone can feel uncomfortable to us- almost like something to be avoided or ashamed of. But what if we are deriving wrong associations and misguiding ourselves? What if the behaviours that we associate with loneliness are actually healthy ways of enjoying and embracing solitude rather than trying to escape it?
There’s a vast difference between being alone and feeling lonely that most fail to understand. Loneliness is an emotional state; it’s that hollow feeling of disconnection, even when surrounded by people. Solitude, on the other hand, is a choice. It’s the ability to enjoy your own presence, to sit with your thoughts without needing distraction. Now while that may seem too confrontational, sometimes confronting our thoughts is necessary to learn more about what makes us ourselves and to really understand where we fall short so that we can capitalise on those specific areas.
The struggle of being alone
A lot of people fear alone time because it forces them to sit with their thoughts—no noise, no distractions, just them and their mind. As of today this is often termed as overthinking which is known to be an unhealthy habit of sorts that leads us to complicate things unnecessarily. But most do not realise how enlightening solitude can truly be. For some, it’s unsettling to incorporate solitude into their lives as there’s too much of a social stigma around it. Social media doesn’t help either. When you see others constantly out with friends, traveling, or just looking like they’re having the time of their lives, it’s easy to think, “Am I missing out?”
We’ve also been conditioned to believe that happiness is external—that we need people, experiences, and validation to feel fulfilled. But in reality, the ability to be happy alone is what creates real emotional independence. And an unfortunate tendency that we foster in today’s times of social media and technology is that of looking into our phones when it’s too hard to look into the mirror.
How Solitude Helps You Grow
Being comfortable with your own company isn’t just about avoiding loneliness—it’s about self-discovery.
There are several benefits of dedicating time to solitude which often get blindsided under the illusion and fear of being alone. In reality solitude makes you more self-aware—you get to understand your thoughts, emotions, and desires without external influence. You get to form your own opinions and goals based off your ideals and expectations rather than what is popular among society. You also develop emotional independence—you stop relying on others to fill the silence as a way of validating your presence, in turn defining your worth or importance. Additionally, tapping into creativity is where some of the greatest ideas, art, and innovations originate, and more often than not these are the moments of solitude that make way for epiphanies .
While solitude is a healthy concept it doesn’t mean to isolate yourself as most might perceive it. Solitude is simply to start enjoying your own company whilst balancing it with your social life and values.
Applications of solitude
We can often understand and relate with a concept but the application of it is much tougher, a barrier where most turn back and give up. While creating moments of solitude may seem like an activity requiring too much active engagement there are also several simple ways to go about it. For instance, simply listing the things that you enjoy doing individually and making it a point to regularly visit them can give you a great sense of belonging and accomplishment. This would also help you identify things that you enjoy doing as compared to things that don’t really work for you. Furthermore, to deny ourselves the distraction of looking into our devices, be it for a single silent moment, is to encourage the awkwardness that we associate with it. Our self worth cannot be defined by how much conversational effort others are willing to make. To need to distract ourselves from the present moment is to allow other people that control. So ask yourself- why can’t I just sit here and peruse my thoughts? What is it that I am so afraid of?
Final thoughts
Spending time alone isn’t a sign of loneliness or isolation—it’s a sign of self-sufficiency. Solitude can be empowering when embraced right and the more comfortable you become with your own presence, the more confident and secure you’ll feel in any situation. Relationships become healthier when they come from a place of choice, not dependence and that is exactly what you’re allowing yourself to build when creating intentional moments of alone time. Most importantly, you start realizing that your happiness doesn’t come from the outside world—it comes from you. After all, you’re the only company you’ll have, the only constant, and to create an awkward situation out of solitude is create awkwardness between you and yourself.
So, the next time you find yourself alone, instead of reaching for your phone or filling the silence with distractions, take a deep breath and embrace it. While it may seem daunting at first, overtime you might just find that your own company is exactly what you needed.
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