You don't lack confidence

• Why you think you lack confidence

There are various questions you can ask about yourself, and many of them begin with, am I? Can I? Or will I?

Many a times I catch myself casually asking these sorts of questions. But lately I’ve realized that most of these zillions of questions we ask ourselves remain unanswered. I think that is because it’s not the answer that simply does not exist as we like to accuse it of doing but instead it is our question that is flawed.

Recently, a friend told me about how they often struggle with confidence, and of course in telling me so they said “I don’t think I have enough confidence”

What my friend so easily announced didn’t sound quite right to me, because I have seen them with ample confidence in certain areas. But of course the struggle they were facing couldn’t be dismissed either, for it was real.

In my opinion, (in this scenario) one would ask themselves, before entering any situation they think they might be uncomfortable in, “Am I confident enough?” And naturally the first answer that comes to mind when you’ve got nerves is “No, I can’t do this”

But the flaw in the question asked was the word enough. What even is enough confidence?

• There is no such thing as “enough” confidence

I think confidence wavers, it can’t be enough or deficit but confidence varies from situation to situation. You can’t be a confident person nor can you be a non-confident person all at once.

So coming back to our flawed questions of am I? Can I and will I? At least one of these questions is asked every time you make a judgement on any quality of your own. “Am I confident?” “Can I do this?” “Will I be too shy?” Etc.

Now, when I think of it from a 3rd person’s perspective, I can tell that my friend may not be too comfortable meeting new people, or their confidence in themselves may be lacking but in the same breath they are not afraid or avoidant of speaking in social gatherings and they aren’t scared to try new things.

Of course I was baffled when they first told me about their struggle with confidence but then I realized that my friend and most people put themselves down because they judge themselves too unfairly and harshly to the measure of what a confident person is supposed to look like.

More awareness needs to be raised about the fact that traits like confidence can’t be measured on a whole at all because they are present in different aspects of each person’s life. Yes of course they can be improved upon and tweaked but they can’t be accused of being completely absent.

• Conclusion

Thus, I would like to conclude that the next time you feel like saying I’m not confident enough remind yourself that they only reason you’ve come this far is because in some aspects or the other you do possess confidence and that by demeaning yourself you are denying the possibility of ever building confidence in situations you are skeptical or fearful of. Don’t shut doors for yourself by asking flawed questions but instead acknowledge that no one is born with abilities and traits such as confidence but everyone sure does have a base quality that is just waiting to be built upon. Ask yourself, “ How can I avoid dwelling over my shortcomings and build up my confidence? “