Acceptance is a myth

Being accepted by others

Have you ever thought about why we feel the need to be accepted?

Isn’t it true that, however much we deny it, everyone feels the need to be accepted by others? Rather, we want it so much, that we begin to need acceptance.

The need for acceptance is rooted in the need to belong, and so we feel that if we are socially acceptable we will have a place in the world. But is it really true that whether others accept us or not determines our belonging?

We all tend to get caught up in people’s conceptions of us, and in that regard, we tend to give too much value to someone else’s opinions. Maybe it’s because we do so that our needs for validation and acceptance can get the best of us.

We ought to give some thought to what is acceptance, and why it’s such a defining factor in our lives.

In my opinion, the meaning of acceptance varies from person to person, but nevertheless, we live in the eternal pursuit of belonging in society.

What is belonging?

But what if, no one belongs?

Much like everyone doesn’t share the same perspectives on many things, everyone’s idea of society also differs, so what if the ‘society’ the ‘group’, or the people that you seek acceptance from also seek acceptance from elsewhere?

We tend to assume that there are people who belong and then there are outcasts like ourselves whom life is being unfair to. But the fact is that everyone feels like they don’t belong, in some sense. So who really does belong, in a world where no one feels accepted?

Being accepted as complex as it is, is also all that simple. It is completely valid and perhaps true to some extent that people may or may not accept you, and that you may not feel like you belong.

But I think ‘belonging’ is overrated. If being accepted means to change things about yourself to ‘fit in’ then it’s not worth it. Before you know it, in pursuit of being accepted, you’ve changed yourself so much that it’s you who has become a conception in others' minds at this point. And as secure as it seems to have people see you as who you want them to see, it’s a charade that doesn’t last long.

Acceptance is a myth

Running after acceptance can be messy and disappointing because for every person that you convince to accept you, there is another who has a different opinion. It’s a life wasted if we spend it trying to be what is socially ‘accepted’ because there is no such thing.

Everyone’s opinions about you are different, and in all honesty, there are more bad than good. If we keep changing along with the meaning of acceptance, we fail to accept ourselves.

When trying to be accepted and seek validation we turn people into mirrors that only reflect what that person thinks of us, and each mirror tells a different story and has different criteria for acceptance. Letting go of the myth that is being accepted by people doesn’t stop them from having opinions about you, but it stops these opinions from affecting you anymore

We can’t stop needing validation altogether, for that’s an unrealistic expectation, but we can acknowledge that we have a choice of what matters, and what doesn’t. And if we let something ever-changing such as the definition of acceptance matter to us, we live for others and not for ourselves.