Don’t start, don’t fail?
Don’t start, don’t fail?
Building blocks
Failure is scary. But what’s even scarier is knowing that despite putting in efforts, you haven’t achieved the kind of results you want. That in itself is a kind of internal failure that promotes procrastination.
A simple taste of failure is enough to create a block, and repeatedly failing — is enough to give up. I think we should all agree that we’ve experienced mental blocks before because we felt disappointed and, more specifically, like a total failure. I think such fears are so common that keeping them a taboo makes absolutely no sense. Starting over after failure intimidates the best of us because, of course, no one likes to feel so underconfident, right?
My struggle
Procrastination is a commonly used word and something we’re all guilty of. But instead of not admitting your own procrastinating habits to yourself, have you ever tried investigating the root cause for them arising at all? Let me give you an example from my life — something I never thought I’d admit even to myself, let alone on a public platform:
A classic case of mental blocks — I developed one about studying. Particularly the subject: maths. Even though they required effort, all other subjects seemed manageable. But maths? Nope. Until a couple of years ago, I used to do relatively well in classes and tests, but then as the content got harder and harder, I started to struggle.
At first, I used to try and ‘bring back my spark’, but after a few low test scores, the inevitable happened. I gave up, admitting to myself that “I am NOT good at maths.” And at this point in the story, the character generally finds a magical solution to all her problems and her fears evaporate into thin air as she suddenly starts excelling at everything. Unfortunately, I am not this character who has it all figured out. In fact, I’ll admit, to this day I struggle with my block around maths, thinking I’m just not good at it and possibly never will be.
The choice
Bringing this story to an end, I’d like to talk about something I was recently told by someone who’s seen my fear of maths up close. For context, I was procrastinating picking up some well-overdue work because just the thought of it made me feel like I wouldn’t know how to do anything and would make a complete fool of myself. I often find myself in this pickle and get frustrated by my inability to snatch the driver’s seat from my fears.
At this point, where I was going to give up for the nth time, I was given some advice that really stuck with me. Instead of invalidating my fear, this person told me that the first time I pick up maths, I will inevitably feel a lot of discomfort and lack confidence. I will probably mess up a lot too — but instead of giving up right then, I’ll get a choice. Either I keep giving myself false starts only to feel horrible all over again, or I keep taking the leap and throwing myself into a ring with my fears.
Yes, I’ll certainly get a few brutal punches, but over time, with every punch thrown and every maths sum solved, the block will get smaller and I’ll train myself. Maybe not to be the next maths scholar — but to face my fears and automate the process so much that it feels less and less like a chore.
Rigged beliefs
This topic hits close to home for so many of us who’ve only ever gotten to the point of failure and turned back in disappointment. But imagine — if you swallow your shame of failure at that crucial point and choose to push yourself a little further, you’ll be past the line of false starts and give yourself an actual chance.
Beliefs like “I’m not good at it and I never will be” are designed to pull you back, but putting them aside for a minute can take you a long way.
Conclusion
Earlier in this article, I said that for me giving up was inevitable — but that’s a lie. Because at a point, we all get a choice, from which we can either take a U-turn or stumble forwards and give ourselves a chance to be the main character who (after many, many punches to the face) will someday have a magical moment where their fears are no longer in the driver’s seat.
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